Tiffanie Amber

Let's start off 5 years ago.. I was a goodie little senior in high school, I hated everything on the radio so I would listen to the alt channel.. Twenty One Pilots "House of Gold" would come on.. I remember singing it to my mom.. then "Car Radio." I began to listen to their music and let their lyrics take hold of my entire soul. I even got someone that said they hated them to start listening to them. That year was the beginning of my depression... I had my heart broken, I was going to college where I didn't want to go, and I was lost. Two weeks before college began, my uncle passed away. This was the first loss in my life that I didn't know how to handle. I share very fond memories of him and to this day he's a hero to me. Going into college was the hardest transition yet. I made friends easily, but in the end I felt like I was in a crowded room screaming and no one could hear.. Countless times I felt myself go into a dark hole. I found myself dr...

I did it... Oddly enough! Honestly though, I wouldn't have been able to graduate without everyone in my life telling me I could do it. I remember when I decided to leave Oswego, I was talking to my best friends and they kept telling me if I didn't graduate on time it would be okay, my being happy was what was most important. Then I came home and decided I would figure out school along the way. I did. I transferred to a school where the professors helped me out throughout the whole process and I made friends of a lifetime. The morning of the ceremony, two of my best friends had messaged me and I couldn't help but feel accomplished of myself. They expressed how proud they were of my accomplishment. Now is the hard part. I thought I'd at least have my life together and everything. But I don't... I also am beginning to realize how unhappy I am... I want to focus on myself now that I'm not in school... I'm going to do whatever I want... I...

Here we go, after 4 long years, I'm in my final week of finals. Transferring schools has been one of the trickiest/best decisions of my life... Of course I miss everyone from Oswego, but I became so focused on my end goal, graduation. Just last week I found out I'm graduating with honors from my program, which you obtain with a GPA over 3.25 from my department and an overall 3.0 GPA from the college itself. As of today, I have well above each of those requirements. The big difference is, when I was in Oswego I didn't know if I'd be able to meet the GPA requirements for my upper-division courses, I was that undetermined. But when I transferred, I met professors that were there to make sure I thrived! They also are the main reasons for why I'm graduating the exact same time I would have before I transferred. While I've only been at Buff State for three semester, I've met the most amazing people and made the most amazing memories. I cannot wait for ...

I'm a huge YouTube nerd. I watch it way more than TV. This started when I was in 7th grade and got my first iPod. I'll never forget the first person I subscribed to... It was Shane Dawson. I'll never forget the first video I watched which was his parody of 3oh!3's "Don't trust" and I died laughing and every time I watched the video I got a sense of relief. Over the middle school years I subscribed to many people and lost email passwords so I had to resubscribe... I'm pretty sure I'm 12 of Shane's how many subscribers. Over high school and college, I stopped watching YouTube. It wasn't until my sophomore year of college that I started watching it religiously. Getting trapped on the website for hours. Between ASMR, Beauty Guru's, Vloggers and most of all Shane Dawson. I would watch his videos and laugh so much. I loved watching his vlogs, to me he was the first vlogger I watched and I loved watching everything, from his family to ...

I've been sitting back lately, watching all these people get excited for multiple steps in their lives. Graduation is less than 40 days away, practically a month. I can't help but not get excited lately. Maybe that's a misstep in my life... I tend not to get excited for something in the future, in case it doesn't end up working out.. Within the past year I maybe worked myself up for one major occurrence and it fell through and broke me in a way... I figure, I never want to feel that way again. I miss feeling excited for something. I miss the anticipation building up from within you. If I'm being completely honest in these blogs, which I feel like I have been... In October of 2017, I reached my lowest point in life. I told everyone important in my life that I didn't want to be here anymore. I was on constant watch and it got better, I have gotten better. Lately, with looking and seeing everyone's excitement of things like  graduation, a movie being ...

Yesterday being National Pets Day, I obviously spent my time with my pets.. But it made me think back to everything that they truely have helped me with. I get migraines constantly, it's been a battle for many years. Yesterday, I got a couple and every time my head began to ache, Rylie would be right by my side, giving me kisses and getting my head away from thinking of the pain. While I've had animals in the past, I can't help but look at my two goobers I have right now.  I was 11 when we got Baylie, we went to look at puppies, I sat down and she came and curled up in my lap. From that moment I knew we had to have her and the memories are neverending. From when she was a puppy and was incredibly sick, I remember crying my eyes out saying we had to make her better. She had her surgeries and is turning 11 next month. As a puppy she hated heights, she'd bark at the steps instead of walking down them (still to this day she hesitates getting o...

With my final spring break looming around the corner, I've come to realize how many lasts there are.  I straightened my hair. I put on makeup and my dress clothes this past Wednesday. I walked around campus with confidence. It was my final presentation. Not final as in finals. But final as in the last presentation that I'll be giving as a college student.  *I have to present my research paper to the board in May but I'm not counting that (haha) It's been hitting me more and more lately. But it wasn't until Wednesday when I was walking up to the library and looked around that it truly hit me. In less than 60 days, this is all over with.  I'll no longer be a competing student, I'll be a competing employee.  I chose to study PR when I was a freshman in college after taking a quiz and being in awe of Olivia Pope from Scandal. Ever since then, I've been so unsure about how I'd be in the field besides the fact that I love it.  During...

These past couple weeks have been eye opening. My cousin/godfather has been in the ICU twice in the past two weeks, with no known reason with what's wrong. The outcome isn't the best news but it isn't the worst either. He's going to be okay right now and that's what matters, This brings me back to four years ago when his dad, my uncle, was sick. Slowly losing every part of him that I had grown up knowing. He was forgetting everything. Once he began the forgetting process, I made the naive decision of not seeing him that way. To try and remember him for who he was while I was little. Looking back on this, I see that as a dumb teenage way out. When the doctors gave him a certain number of weeks left, my family went to visit him while I had to work. I kick myself by feeling like I should have called off that day, it would have been okay to miss that one day of work. But, I was 18 and stupid and there's no going back. I have my memories of him and those are wh...

It wasn't until I was watching an episode of America's Next Top Model, that I began to think about me growing up. Within this past week's episode there was talk about how everyone has a past and that's brought us to who we are today. That really stuck with me. We all have a past and a lot of us don't really like to share it. While I consider myself an open book, a lot has happened while I was growing up that I've bottled in. It wasn't until recently that I've told my closest friends what had happened while I was growing up and that took a lot from me. Most of it is the memories that come back. There's flashbacks that I don't even enjoy seeing or sometimes the pain that was felt at the moment comes back. I've done a lot to forget my past. I don't have a lot of memories of growing up. That says a lot to me. I was back and forth between my parents households, every other weekend as from a court order. It wasn't until a huge bre...

From reading these blogs, I think it's easy to assume that I'm obsessed with makeup. Growing up, I never really saw myself as attractive or someone that could stop a room to stare at them. Small disclaimer *I still don't* But when I went away to college, my friends were the girly girls and they got me into makeup. I'll never forget splurging on my first palette and the love of transforming myself. Fast forward 2 years now, I've gained experience and confidence through my makeup. Though my makeup makes me more confident, I will still find myself in the corner of the room at a party trying to get stay away from the attention. That's just my personality and I'd much rather keep it that way. I've had multiple friends and family ask me to do their makeup and this has to be the best compliment  I've every gotten. So I figure I'd share my top ten beauty products that I've been swearing by these past couple of months... Some of them I've ...

While I am a strong believer that I don't have one, my heart has been hurting tremendously today, and has been for a while. Today is just the day where I don't know how to take it.  With a heavy heart today, I found out that my closest friend growing up, his mom has passed away. An introduction to that would be how I met him, we played soccer from 6th grade until we both stopped around high school. We played on the same team for all those years and went to the same school so we had classes together. We of course "dated" when we were like 12 and he broke up with me through a friend texting me so of course we joke around about that constantly.  His dad coached our soccer team for maybe three years, the practices were held right behind his house. Of course being together all that time, I felt like a part of his family.  He always makes me laugh and smile. He loved his mom more than anything in the world and of course that became prominent to me lat...

I've been debating about what to talk about next. For this blog post. It's been a few weeks since I've last posted. A LOT has been going on... Currently, I'm on week 12 of school and if you asked me, the stuff that has filled my plate has me feeling like I'm on week 16, which isn't right because there's only 15 weeks of school. While I do have all these responsibilities in life, I've been pushing them to the side. Week 12 people, of my second last semester of college ever... that is until I decide to go back, because knowing me, I'm going back. Two out of my six classes are group work based; one of which I was designated to be the group leader, the other class, my group just nominated me to be the unofficial group leader. I do a lot of work for people and really hope that in return, my grade would reflect this. My one class, I've done most of the work and am the only reason my group is on task half of the time. It's stressful but I...

* disclaimer. I debated about listing out any of the schools but decided it was reasonable to list the school I had previously attended. While I will not be saying where I currently attend... I will eventually list it! Where to begin?  My last post is titled The Beginning but I find myself in a writers block when it comes to starting this one. So then why write about it? I find myself wanting to blog about my life. I've been thinking about what in my life would be major enough to write onto the web forever. Obviously, college (the last 4 years of my life) is a pretty huge part of this blog. College is what is consuming me and has been for a while. But, I didn't start off at the school in which I'll be receiving my degree in seven months from. No, instead I started off at a school 2 hours away. But a lot of people transfer! Isn't that what you're proving? Well yes, a lot of people transfer. But, I'm not like most people. I do though, want to tell my st...

I would imagine that with this post, being it's the first, I should introduce myself and why I decided that blogging was right for me. Right? I'm pretty sure that's how this is going to go. While I probably have a bunch of things to say that'll make this post about 30 pages long and wild about my crazy life, but I will try my hardest to make this post simple and sweet and over time, you'll learn who I am and grow to love me... Or at least I hope (fingers crossed). The Beginning: I title this blog "The Beginning" because to me, this is it. This is the beginning! So onto the explanation of that. I'm Tiffanie, I like Tiffanie Amber, it's not that I don't like the world knowing my last name, it's just that my last name isn't me. My last name is my father's name, which a brief explanation of that relationship is that I don't have one with my father. So when it comes to my last name, I like to just go by Tiffanie Amber. I'm 21...