My Heart

While I am a strong believer that I don't have one, my heart has been hurting tremendously today, and has been for a while.

Today is just the day where I don't know how to take it. 

With a heavy heart

today, I found out that my closest friend growing up, his mom has passed away.

An introduction to that would be how I met him, we played soccer from 6th grade until we both stopped around high school. We played on the same team for all those years and went to the same school so we had classes together. We of course "dated" when we were like 12 and he broke up with me through a friend texting me so of course we joke around about that constantly. 

His dad coached our soccer team for maybe three years, the practices were held right behind his house. Of course being together all that time, I felt like a part of his family. 

He always makes me laugh and smile. He loved his mom more than anything in the world and of course that became prominent to me later on.

After high school, of course even during, we lost touch. But I knew his mom was sick and of course wanted him to know I was always there to support him. He was there for his mom and always would be.

Then when I went to Oswego, I randomly got a message from him asking if he could see the school. He wasn't happy where he was. I showed him around and he loved it. He applied and got in.

The beginning of my sophomore year is some of my favorite memories because of him. He's full of life and all because of his mom. She was an amazing woman and raised him to the extreme and I can still see that within him. The way he would speak of his mom, just made me want to go hug mine tighter.

Whenever I was going through my darkest times at school he would be there for me, to go on drives and sing songs at the top of our lungs. He would defend me more than life itself and watch me cry and have panic attacks but would know that in the end, all I needed was a good laugh and to leave my dorm.

One night right before I left Oswego. I was at a bar and wanted to leave, no one would leave with me. So of course in drunken tears I called him up and without hesitation, he came and got me. Even after not talking for a whole semester. 

I can't thank him enough for everything he ever helped me through. But like everything that happens, we lost touch. Me being me, I always check up to see how he's doing. 

As of lately, I haven't been checking my social media as often. Today a mutual friend informed me of the news. 

I'm heartbroken. 

This woman, this strong woman was taken from us. But she's as healthy as can be.

I know she'll forever be smiling down at her son, daughter, and grandchildren and so happy at the people they're becoming.

Tonight, I'll hug my mom and little harder. 

Overtime, like I've wanted to, I'll try my best to get this guy to be a constant in my life again. Because I know what an amazing man she raised. 

I love you so much Jimmy. Erin was truly an amazing woman and it shows so much through you, Erica and the boys. 

Rest In Peace Erin. 💕